Love as Always, Mum xxx

Love as Always, Mum xxx by Mae West (with Neil McKay)

Paperback, 272 pages

Published 6th September 2018 by Seven Dials

Shelves: abuse, books-i-own, crime-thriller-mystery, memoirs-biographies-etc, mental-health, misery-lit, non-fiction, read, read-in-2020 

My rating: 3.5 of 5 stars

Description via Goodreads:

The true story of an abused childhood, of shocking brutality and life as the daughter of notorious serial killer, and master manipulator, Rose West.
You're twenty-one years old. Police arrive on the doorstep of your house, 25 Cromwell Street, with a warrant to search the garden for the remains of your older sister you didn't know was dead. Bones are found and they are from more than one body. And so the nightmare begins. You are the daughter of Fred and Rose West.

It has taken over 20 years for Mae West to find the perspective and strength to tell her remarkable story: one of an abusive, violent childhood, of her serial killer parents and how she has rebuilt her life in the shadow of their terrible crimes.
Through her own memories, research and the letters her mother wrote to her from prison, Mae shares her emotionally powerful account of her life as a West. From a toddler locked in the deathly basement to a teen fighting off the sexual advances of her father, Mae's story is one of survival. It also answers the questions: how do you come to terms with knowing your childhood bedroom was a graveyard? How do you accept the fact your parents sexually tortured, murdered and dismembered young women? How do you become a mother yourself when you're haunted by the knowledge that your own mother was a monster? Why were you spared and how do you escape the nightmare?

Anybody who knows me well knows that I can never resist watching the latest true crime documentary on TV or resist the temptation of scouring over a true crime article. It seems like I'm not alone and as the interest in both solved true crimes and mysteries seems to soar, there are always some cases that you know that almost everybody will have come across at some point. One of these is the infamous case of Fred and Rose West, a couple who abused and killed their acquaintances and their own daughter.

There are countless documentaries and books written about this couple - a lot of which I have watched, read and studied, but what sets this one apart is that it's written by Mae West - one of their surviving children.  As soon as I saw that this was written by someone who has personally had their life directly affected by the actions of the couple, I knew that I had to read it to gain a true insight into what really went on in the lives of the Wests and those who knew them. 

Whilst I already knew a lot of detail about the case, this book offers a whole new perspective - that of a child who knew Fred and Rose well before anybody else did. This is a memoir from someone who trusted and most significantly, loved these two people who, to the majority of people, will never seem deserving of it. It's important to note that although I keep referring to Fred and Rose, this book isn't just about those two people - it centres around the family dynamic of the Wests and we get great insight into her relationships with her siblings throughout Mae's life, both before and after her parent's convictions. Reading Mae's writing about her late sister is particularly moving and heart wrenching. 

It is interesting to see how Mae's thoughts and feelings evolve and change throughout the whole of her life  and as you read, you can really see how her experiences change and shape her thought and feelings. It can also, however, be frustrating at times, seeing how Mae is clearly being manipulated and twisted by her mother in particular. There were points where I wanted to throw the book in frustration, seeing what Mae could not at the time, but this also brought the raw authenticity of the book into view. Mae is clear and honest within this book - she recognises some of her naiveté but also still holds on to the fact that she is still a daughter who is in want, or perhaps even need, of a loving mother. The conflict in her thoughts and feelings makes for a very interesting, albeit very sad, read.

If you know this case, it's likely that you will know some of the horrific things that went on within 25 Cromwell Street, but in this book you begin to learn even more. I wasn't expecting to learn much new information about the crimes themselves and I was left speechless after reading some of Mae's recollections, not only of the murders but also of the abuse and torment that came before and after. 

There are some very graphic and traumatic scenes described in detail which seem even more poignant when they're being described by the victim. The Wests did not only inflict physical abuse on their children - the mental abuse seemed equally, if not more, torturous. This is definitely something to be aware of when reading - prepare to take a lot of breaks as it can become very mentally draining. 

For anyone who is interested in true crime, especially in case of the West family, this is an absolute must read. Whilst I didn't find the actual writing to be fantastic - unfortunately I found that sometimes the book seemed a little disjointed and  quite repetitive, the content alone is gripping enough to recommend. I applaud Mae for her honesty, the raw emotion she displays in this book as well as the admirable strength she has used in order to make a life of her own.