Sickened: The True Story of a Lost Childhood

Sickened: The True Story of a Lost Childhood by Julie Gregory

Paperback, 320 pages

Published 30th September 2004 by Arrow

(First published 2003)

Shelves:  abuse, books-i-own, currently-reading, let-down, medical-conditions, memoirs-biographies-etc, mental-health, misery-lit, read-in-2021

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Description via Goodreads:

A young girl is perched on the cold chrome of yet another doctor’s examining table, missing yet another day of school. Just twelve, she’s tall, skinny, and weak. It’s four o’clock, and she hasn’t been allowed to eat anything all day. Her mother, on the other hand, seems curiously excited. She's about to suggest open-heart surgery on her child to "get to the bottom of this." She checks her teeth for lipstick and, as the doctor enters, shoots the girl a warning glance. This child will not ruin her plans.

From early childhood, Julie Gregory was continually X-rayed, medicated, and operated on—in the vain pursuit of an illness that was created in her mother’s mind. Munchausen by proxy (MBP) is the world’s most hidden and dangerous form of child abuse, in which the caretaker—almost always the mother—invents or induces symptoms in her child because she craves the attention of medical professionals. Many MBP children die, but Julie Gregory not only survived, she escaped the powerful orbit of her mother's madness and rebuilt her identity as a vibrant, healthy young woman.

Punctuated with Julie's actual medical records, Sickened re-creates the bizarre cocoon of her family's isolated double-wide trailer, their wild shopping sprees and gun-waving confrontations, the astonishing naïveté of medical professionals and social workers. It also exposes the twisted bonds of terror and love that roped Julie's family together—including the love that made a child willing to sacrifice herself to win her mother's happiness.

The realization that the sickness lay in her mother, not in herself, would not come to Julie until adulthood. But when it did, it would strike like lightning. Through her painful metamorphosis, she discovered the courage to save her own life—and, ultimately, the life of the girl her mother had found to replace her. Sickened takes us to new places in the human heart and spirit. It is an unforgettable story, unforgettably told.

Sickened is a very well-known memoir that I have been wanting to read for a very long time. I am very interested by mental health and I was extremely intrigued try the thought of reading a book about the rare but highly interesting condition called Munchausen By Proxy (now known as Factitious Disorder by Proxy). Gregory certainly was very successful in bringing awareness to this illness.

Sickened is the memoir of Julie Gregory, a woman brought up by a mother who has  Munchausen by Proxy and has abused her since childhood. This book tells us about her childhood, often spent seeking out different medical specialists and being subjected to numerous unnecessary drugs and procedures. There were some more interesting and shocking scenes described in the book but I often wished there was more depth to them - I felt the book often focused on the negatives of Sandy, Julie's mother, rather than the true impact of her abhorrent actions. The memoir has copies of Gregory's medical records interspersed throughout. I found reading the medical documents to be the most interesting parts of the book.

Despite the fascinating subject matter, I have to be honest and say that I unfortunately just didn't find this book compelling. This book should have been gripping but I really just couldn't connect with it and as a result, I felt more apathetic towards it than I should have. This may partially be to the overly verbose writing style which I really didn't enjoy. Naturally, I felt both sympathy and a sense of respect for Julie but, mainly, I held a strong disdain towards her mother and father.

Unfortunately I can't say that the book had a great impact on me. I think that this may have actually been better portrayed if the Gregory had worked alongside a more experienced writer in order to tell her story. This is one of those books that I do feel bad for criticising due to the sensitive content, but in all honestly, I wouldn't recommend it. I will, however, continue to look for both more stories and factual information about the very important and destructive Factitious Disorder by Proxy. 

Love as Always, Mum xxx

Love as Always, Mum xxx by Mae West (with Neil McKay)

Paperback, 272 pages

Published 6th September 2018 by Seven Dials

Shelves: abuse, books-i-own, crime-thriller-mystery, memoirs-biographies-etc, mental-health, misery-lit, non-fiction, read, read-in-2020 

My rating: 3.5 of 5 stars

Description via Goodreads:

The true story of an abused childhood, of shocking brutality and life as the daughter of notorious serial killer, and master manipulator, Rose West.
You're twenty-one years old. Police arrive on the doorstep of your house, 25 Cromwell Street, with a warrant to search the garden for the remains of your older sister you didn't know was dead. Bones are found and they are from more than one body. And so the nightmare begins. You are the daughter of Fred and Rose West.

It has taken over 20 years for Mae West to find the perspective and strength to tell her remarkable story: one of an abusive, violent childhood, of her serial killer parents and how she has rebuilt her life in the shadow of their terrible crimes.
Through her own memories, research and the letters her mother wrote to her from prison, Mae shares her emotionally powerful account of her life as a West. From a toddler locked in the deathly basement to a teen fighting off the sexual advances of her father, Mae's story is one of survival. It also answers the questions: how do you come to terms with knowing your childhood bedroom was a graveyard? How do you accept the fact your parents sexually tortured, murdered and dismembered young women? How do you become a mother yourself when you're haunted by the knowledge that your own mother was a monster? Why were you spared and how do you escape the nightmare?

Anybody who knows me well knows that I can never resist watching the latest true crime documentary on TV or resist the temptation of scouring over a true crime article. It seems like I'm not alone and as the interest in both solved true crimes and mysteries seems to soar, there are always some cases that you know that almost everybody will have come across at some point. One of these is the infamous case of Fred and Rose West, a couple who abused and killed their acquaintances and their own daughter.

There are countless documentaries and books written about this couple - a lot of which I have watched, read and studied, but what sets this one apart is that it's written by Mae West - one of their surviving children.  As soon as I saw that this was written by someone who has personally had their life directly affected by the actions of the couple, I knew that I had to read it to gain a true insight into what really went on in the lives of the Wests and those who knew them. 

Whilst I already knew a lot of detail about the case, this book offers a whole new perspective - that of a child who knew Fred and Rose well before anybody else did. This is a memoir from someone who trusted and most significantly, loved these two people who, to the majority of people, will never seem deserving of it. It's important to note that although I keep referring to Fred and Rose, this book isn't just about those two people - it centres around the family dynamic of the Wests and we get great insight into her relationships with her siblings throughout Mae's life, both before and after her parent's convictions. Reading Mae's writing about her late sister is particularly moving and heart wrenching. 

It is interesting to see how Mae's thoughts and feelings evolve and change throughout the whole of her life  and as you read, you can really see how her experiences change and shape her thought and feelings. It can also, however, be frustrating at times, seeing how Mae is clearly being manipulated and twisted by her mother in particular. There were points where I wanted to throw the book in frustration, seeing what Mae could not at the time, but this also brought the raw authenticity of the book into view. Mae is clear and honest within this book - she recognises some of her naiveté but also still holds on to the fact that she is still a daughter who is in want, or perhaps even need, of a loving mother. The conflict in her thoughts and feelings makes for a very interesting, albeit very sad, read.

If you know this case, it's likely that you will know some of the horrific things that went on within 25 Cromwell Street, but in this book you begin to learn even more. I wasn't expecting to learn much new information about the crimes themselves and I was left speechless after reading some of Mae's recollections, not only of the murders but also of the abuse and torment that came before and after. 

There are some very graphic and traumatic scenes described in detail which seem even more poignant when they're being described by the victim. The Wests did not only inflict physical abuse on their children - the mental abuse seemed equally, if not more, torturous. This is definitely something to be aware of when reading - prepare to take a lot of breaks as it can become very mentally draining. 

For anyone who is interested in true crime, especially in case of the West family, this is an absolute must read. Whilst I didn't find the actual writing to be fantastic - unfortunately I found that sometimes the book seemed a little disjointed and  quite repetitive, the content alone is gripping enough to recommend. I applaud Mae for her honesty, the raw emotion she displays in this book as well as the admirable strength she has used in order to make a life of her own.

Black Heart Blue

Black Heart Blue by Louisa Reid

Paperback, 266 pages

Published May 10th 2012 by Puffin

My shelves: abuse, arc-or-review, books-i-own, death, drink-and-drugs, medical-conditions, mental-health, misery-lit, rape, read-in-2012, realistic-fiction, to-be-reviewed, young-adult

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Description via Goodreads:

Hephzibah: You've no idea what it's like having a freak for a sister.

Rebecca: Born first, prettier, Hephzi's always been the popular one.

The Father: When he was busy with his bottle we were usually safe. Usually.

The Mother: Her specialist subject was misery and lessons of painful silence ...

Hepzibah and Rebecca are twins. One beautiful, one disfigured. Trapped with their loveless parents, they dream of a normal life. But when one twin tragically dies, the other must find a way to escape. Because if she doesn't, she'll end up like her sister.

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My thanks go to Puffin for sending me this book in exchange for an honest review.

I've actually waited a couple of days before reviewing this book and I think that I made the right decision to do that. Black Heart Blue is definitely a haunting book and I think that I appreciate it more now that I've had even more time to reflect on it. I think that this will be a book that lingers in my mind for quite a long time.


On the very first page of this story is a verse from Sylvia Plath's poem, Daddy. I absolutely adore Sylvia Plath, so when I read the verse, I was so excited that I was maybe going to read something that was so marvellously interlinked, but I was also scared that the story was going to be a disappointment - in my eyes, it's quite a big thing to try and follow on after a Plath verse! Thankfully, I think that using the poem was the right thing to do - Reid definitely did it justice with the story that followed.


Black Heart Blue follows the life of two twins - the well rounded and beautiful Hepzibah (Hepzhi) and her disfigured sister, Rebecca. We learn right from the start that Hepzhi has died and we discover exactly how and why as we progress through the book. I thought that the format of the book was really well done. Hepzhi narrates chapters 'before' her death so that we get a clear picture of what life was like for the twins. On the other hand, Rebecca narrates the time after Hepzhi's death and what it meant not just for her, but her family and the community around them. Writing this way meant that we learnt so much about both twins and they were so well developed. The twins had a very troubled past (and present) and we can see this in so many ways - their behaviour, their emotions and through other people's actions towards them. Everything that was explored felt so realistic and had a lot of depth, despite the shortness of the book. We were introduced to several characters including the granny of the twins, Hephzi's boyfriend, her friends, members in the community such as a church assistant and people who Rebecca worked with, as well as non-immediate family members. Every single person in this story seemed to matter and they each contributed something to the story. I was absolutely fascinated with how everyone interacted. 


It seems wrong to say that I enjoyed this book due to the subject matter. I didn't really enjoy it as such - there wasn't anything that made me feel very happy, but instead, I appreciated it. I really appreciated how well Reid had portrayed the lives of Hephzi and Rebecca - there were no holds barred on the content - this is a story that involves abuse and a whole lot more. Whilst the events weren't overly graphic or descriptive, they were unbelievably powerful. As aforementioned, the words were haunting. There was a seriously sinister undertone and it worked seriously well.


This is a book that I will recommend to others who are looking for a different read to your usual YA - I'm glad that there's something different to the usual 'boy meets girl' or paranormal subjects. This is definitely not a book for younger teens but for older teens and I know a lot of adults that would appreciate the work that's been put into this too. I look forward to more of Reid's work in the future.