I'll Be Gone In The Dark

I'll Be Gone In The Dark: One Woman's Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer by Michelle McNamara

Paperback, 344 pages

Published 28th February 2019 by Faber & Faber

Shelves: arc-or-review, books-i-own, crime-thriller-mystery, desperate-to-read, historical, lasting-impression, memoirs-biographies-etc, movies-or-tv, non-fiction, rape, read, read-in-2020, title-appeal

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Description via Goodreads:

The masterful true crime account of the Golden State Killer - the serial rapist turned murderer who terrorised California for over a decade - from the late Michelle McNamara. I'll Be Gone in the Dark offers a unique snapshot of suburban West Coast America in the 1980s, and a chilling account of the wreckage left behind by a criminal mastermind. It is also a portrait of one woman's obsession and her unflagging pursuit of the truth, three decades later, in spite of the personal cost. Updated with material which takes in the extraordinary events that followed its initial publication, Michelle McNamara's first and last book is a contemporary classic - humane, haunting and heroic.

I'll Be Gone in the Dark is a book unlike any other that I've read. The book is beautifully written whilst describing a real-life horror story. This is the story of the late Michelle McNamara's obsessive search for an elusive monster. This is the story of the known attacks of The Golden State Killer, also known as The East Area Rapist, The Original Night Stalker, The Visalia Ransacker, The Diamond Knot Killer, and only more recently, Joseph James DeAngelo. 

It is difficult to review this book and it's difficult to read too, which is part of its success. Quotes on the book cover state that this is a book that you can't put down, it's something to read in one-sitting, but for me it was completely the opposite. The writing is indeed gripping and compulsive, but also frighteningly vivid. It can be a difficult book to digest due to the content and it's important to take breaks in order to really appreciate  exactly what you've just read, to absorb the impact that the events of the book had on the victims and the wider community of California. Whilst I was gripped by the crimes and mystery - as I was and I am - this is a book that I had to consciously keep putting down in order to reflect upon whilst still eager to get back to. 

McNamara's prose is surprisingly beautiful despite often describing such violent content. This is a book that is so well written, the crimes so clearly portrayed that it is guaranteed to have a lasting effect on any reader. The Golden State Killer stalked, burglarised, bound, raped, psychologically tortured and tormented his victims before going on to murder some. McNamara uses all of her collected evidence and investigative skills to bring these crimes to life on paper, not being afraid to share small, intimate details whilst still never overstating and always showing respect to the victims. This entire book is a fantastic piece of investigative journalism, but for me, the stand-out part was Michelle's final piece of writing that was included, entitled "Letter to an Old Man" - her imagination of the Golden State Killer's eventual arrest, where it's almost as though she foreshadowed his eventual capture.

Admittedly, the book does seem a little disjointed at places, both due to the fact that it's not written chronologically and that it was partially written/edited posthumously, but this doesn't distract from McNamara's apparent talent for writing, her brilliant investigative and journalistic skills as well as her sheer dedication and determination. I also enjoyed seeing how she gained the trust of detectives and police departments. Her untimely sudden death only adds more sadness to the whole story. The fact that she didn't finally get to discover the GSK's true identity is heartbreaking and I truly wish that she had been able to watch Joseph DeAngelo's arrest and sentencing. Thankfully, her main wish did however come true and we now know exactly who the Golden State Killer is - that is partially with thanks to Michelle's hard work, relentless research and her publicity of the case.

Before reading this book, I did have some general knowledge about The Golden State Killer, learned from the documentary series Unmasking a Killer and some internet searches. Here in the UK, he is not well known and the known crimes were committed before I was born - I first heard about him after his arrest. I read I'll Be Gone In The Dark in the week during DeAngelo's sentencing, where he was sentenced to life imprisonment. I really feel like I have watched, and now have read, an important piece of criminal history. 

This is a book and a case that will stay with me for a long time and that I will continue to follow. I highly recommend I'll Be Gone In The Dark to anybody who is interested in true crime, criminology, forensic science or investigative journalism. It has really made me see not only the Golden State Killer, but all undiscovered serious criminals, in a new perspective. 

The TV adaptation of I'll Be Gone in the Dark, produced by HBO, is available to watch in the UK from today (30th August) on the Sky Crime Channel, but be sure to read the book first! 

The Donor

The Donor by Helen Fitzgerald

Paperback, 320 pages

Published July 2011 by Faber Faber

Shelves: adult-fiction, crime-thriller-mystery, disliked, drink-and-drugs, let-down, medical-conditions, new-adult, read, read-in-2020, realistic-fiction

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Description via Goodreads:

The Donor, Helen FitzGerald's fifth novel, is a nail-biting psychological thriller about a single dad's horrorfying dilemma. Will, who has given up everything to raise his twin daughters, has a terrible choice to make when both girls suffer kidney failure age 16.

Should he save one child? If so, which one?

Should he buy a kidney - be an organ tourist?

Should he sacrifice himself?

Or is there a fourth solution - one so terrible it has never even crossed his mind?

Perfect for fans of Julia Crouch, Sophie Hannah and Laura Lippman, The Donor is a gripping thriller about a single dad faced with organ donation as his twin daughters battle to survive. 

You should never judge a book by its cover. Unfortunately, when it comes to actual books, I'm afraid to say that I'm guilty of doing so and this The Donor attracted me on both counts. The title was enough to grab me, but after reading the blurb, I knew I just had to read it straight away. It's been said that this book is perfect for fans of Jodi Picoult, Diane Chamberlain and Sophie Hannah, all authors that I've enjoyed in the past. The premise sounded intriguing, it had so much potential, but sadly, this book didn't live up to my expectations at all.

It usually takes me a while to decide whether I like a book or not - I feel I should give them all a fair chance. It's rare that I take such a quick dislike to a book as much I did with this one. Initially, I wasn't a fan of the mix between first and third person narration but I did adjust to it quite quickly, so it didn't pose too much of an issue after I'd read through a quarter of the book. The main reason I didn't like the majority of this book was the pure 'trashiness' of it - I'm certainly not a prude or afraid of expletives but I felt that half of the things in this book were just thrown in for the sake of it.  The whole book was littered with random sex scenes and encounters which seemed to hold no purpose whatsoever, not even adding to character relationships or development. There wasn't a chapter that didn't hold a multitude of swearing either, none of which had any real impact as it was just too frequent. Even excusing those first two issues, I had to draw the line at the derogatory language that was used for absolutely no real reason - at the point where one character offhandedly called autistic people 'windowlickers' for absolutely no reason, I had to stop myself from throwing the book across the room. It honestly felt like there was a teenager writing this book, just throwing in anything that they could to be rebellious - this may have benefitted Georgie's narration but it wasn't appropriate for third person.

With a book like this, it's especially important to connect to the characters and feel for them. We're introduced to Will, the unsuccessful parent of Kay and Georgie with a penchant for weed, alcohol and S&M with a married woman who lives nearby. He's probably the most likeable character of them all, showing equal parts of desperation and love for the twins. The  twins, both in need of a donor, are polar opposites - Kay is the 'pretty', kind twin and Georgie is the twin that appears to shows only contempt and cruelness. Georgie's character seems to have more development than Kay as she is who narrates alternating chapters. Initially, I strongly disliked her but her character does develop slightly throughout the book. The other characters include Preston, a strange but admittedly intriguing character who is tasked with searching for the mother of the twins, Cynthia, a relentless drug addict with absolutely no redeeming qualities, and her equally dislikable partner, Heath.  

Despite my issues with this book, it was a page-turner - it was very easy to read and it didn't have any long or drawn out sections - it didn't become boring, which is an extremely positive point. I got through The Donor very quickly in only a couple of sittings. The book did keep me entertained during the last half in particular. Whilst some of the occurrences in the book seemed slapstick and ridiculous, as simple entertainment, the action and the twists in the book weren't disappointing and kept me reading on, despite my issues with the writing. I believe that the bare bones of a good story are in this book, but unfortunately it's just not quite developed as it should be. Disappointing, but this was likely mostly due to my preconceptions. 

The Glimpse (The Glimpse #1)

The Glimpse (The Glimpse #1) by Claire Merle

Paperback, 432 pages

Expected Publication: May 7th 2012 by Faber and Faber

My shelves: arc-or-review, books-i-own, coming-up-next, currently-reading, dystopian, mental-health, read-in-2012, sci-fi, series-or-companions, suicide, young-adult

My rating: 3.5 of 5 stars

Description via Goodreads:

Once you've seen into the future, can you change your destiny?

In a near future, society is segregated according to whether people are genetically disposed to mental illness. 17-year-old Ana has been living the privileged life of a Pure due to an error in her DNA test. When the authorities find out, she faces banishment from her safe Community, a fate only thwarted by the fact that she has already been promised to Pure-boy Jasper Taurell.

Jasper is from a rich and influential family and despite Ana’s condition, wants to be with her. The authorities grant Ana a tentative reprieve. If she is joined to Jasper before her 18th birthday, she may stay in the Community until her illness manifests. But if Jasper changes his mind, she will be cast out among the Crazies. As Ana’s joining ceremony and her birthday loom closer, she dares to hope she will be saved from the horror of the City and live a ‘normal’ life. But then Jasper disappears.

Led to believe Jasper has been taken by a strange sect the authorities will not intefere with, Ana sneaks out of her well-guarded Community to find him herself. Her search takes her through the underbelly of society and into the pits of the human soul. And as she delves deeper into the mystery of Jasper's abduction she uncovers some devastating truths that destroy everything she has grown up to believe, but she also learns to love as she has never loved before

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My thanks go to Faber and Faber for sending me this book in exchange for an honest review.

The Glimpse is a book that combines two things that really grab my interest - dystopian society and mental health issues. I was so excited to get my hands on a copy of a story that combines the two, but I did have my reservations at the same time. Thankfully, I didn't find myself offended by the mixture of the two and I did enjoy this book. 

This book is bound to be controversial, especially if you're easily offended. One in four of us have some sort of experience with mental illness, so it's likely that a lot of people could be offended by the contents of this book. If you're able to sit back, relax and get it into your head that this is fiction, it's not real and it's meant to be dramatic,  then you should be able to enjoy this one. If I was living in the book, I'd firmly fit in the 'Big3' what with having two of the conditions, and so I'd be classed as one of the full-on Crazies(!) but I am in no way offended by that. I understand and respect that some people aren't as open as I am, but hopefully people won't take this book too seriously. I think the story is actually really good at showing people that all of us have emotions and sometimes people do feel the need to hide them or suppress them. I think that there is a message in this book for the reader to interpret. 

The Glimpse features a society where people are categorised into two categories - 'Pures' who don't have a predisposition for mental illness and those who do have a predisposition, the 'Crazies. There is a test for the 'Big3' - anxiety, depression and schizophrenia, three very intense mental illnesses. Those who pass the test get to go on living comfortable lives and those who don't are separated, excluded and live a poor, tough, rough lifestyle. The story focuses around a girl called  Ana who has lived her whole life as a Pure, but found out that actually, she does have a predisposition for illness and so is in fact one of the Crazies.

We follow the story of Ana as she discovers her true past, the tragic history of her family and has to come to terms with who she really is. She is still the same person, but if the society found out, she would never live in the same way again. I think Ana actually took the discovery quite well and I did warm to her - I thought she was quite a good character and although I don't love her yet, I could see myself liking her even more as the story progresses. She seemed realistic to me, and thats why I liked her. She wasn't weak, but she wasn't overly brave. I found her to be an enjoyable character to read about.

On top of having to deal with the fact that she could have her comfortable lifestyle taken away from her, her partner, Jasper, goes missing and is supposedly abducted. Unfortunately, this is the part of the book that started to confuse me! I admit that it's not hard to confuse me, but it took me quite a while to trudge through parts of this book as I had to keep checking back on things to see what was going on. A lot of 'facts' are changed/revealed throughout the story and I felt that sometimes we were being given too many different things to try and remember. I know that a lot of people do enjoy that though, and it did seem to be well done, it was just a bit too overwhelming for me - especially the sections about The Enlightenment Project.  

Ana meets a lot of people when she is trying to find where Jasper has disappeared to and the story starts to get pretty exciting! I really loved venturing into the (somewhat) unknown with Ana and meeting all of these new, different people in their very different situation. We are introduced first to Lila, sister of Nate and Cole. I absolutely loved Lila - she seemed fun, quite confident and very loyal. Whilst I didn't particularly like Nate or Cole at the beginning, I definitely grew to understand what they were about and I did warm to them. There is definitely something mysterious behind this family that we are only starting to get to know. I found the action at the end of the book to be quite scary, but also the high point of the story for me!

Overall, although I was confused for quite a bit of this book which made it a bit difficult/slow to get through, I did enjoy it and the mystery behind it. As I've said, it is controversial and I understand and respect that some people won't be comfortable with how mental illness is portrayed, which is understandable. If you're able to just accept that this is fiction and are mature enough to understand that people with mental health issues aren't 'Crazies', then try and enjoy this new Dystopian read. I will certainly want to follow on and see what happens next!

The Moth Diaries

The Moth Diaries by Rachel Klein
Paperback, 256 pages

Published May 6th 2010 by Faber and Faber Ltd.
(First published May 30th 2002)

My shelves:arc-or-review, books-i-own, currently-reading, drink-and-drugs, fantasy, horror, mental-health, movies-or-tv, read-in-2012, vampires, young-adult

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Description via Goodreads:

Lucy and Ernessa have become inseparable. Ernessa’s taken her over. She’s consuming her.
What I saw wasn’t real. And I know it wasn’t a dream.
Ernessa is a vampire.
At an exclusive girls’ boarding school, a sixteen-year-old girl records her most intimate thoughts in a diary. The object of her growing obsession is her roommate, Lucy Blake, and Lucy’s friendship with their new and disturbing classmate. Ernessa is an enigmatic, moody presence with pale skin and hypnotic eyes.
Around her swirl dark rumors, suspicions, and secrets as well as a series of ominous disasters. As fear spreads through the school and Lucy isn’t Lucy anymore, fantasy and reality mingle until what is true and what is dreamed bleed together into a waking nightmare that evokes with gothic menace the anxieties, lusts, and fears of adolescence. And at the center of the diary is the question that haunts all who read it: Is Ernessa really a vampire? Or has the narrator trapped herself in the fevered world of her own imagining?

My thanks go to Faber and Faber for sending me this book in exchange for an honest review.

I loved the sound of Rachel Klein’s The Moth Diaries as soon as I heard about it. I’m a fan of books set in boarding schools and I also like reading about the paranormal, especially vampires. This books is about boarding school and vampires, but it’s completely not what I expected. I got something very unique, and something that I’m still quite uncertain about.

This is definitely a book to read if you want something that is different from your usual young adult paranormal novel. The most effective parts of this book, for me, were the foreword and afterword - claiming that this book was based on a journal kept as a teen by our narrator, who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, depression and psychosis by her psychiatric doctor. These sections are vital to the story and make it very interesting. Can our narrator really trust her thoughts, or is her mental health making her delusional?

The main section of this book is written as a series of diary entries by an unnamed narrator. It did feel somewhat personal, as usual teen issues including concerns over body image and friendship rifts were discussed. However, I found it very difficult to connect with our narrator. She didn't lack emotion, and what she did show, she expressed in quite a philosophical manner or through literary references. I think that the main reason why I didn't connect with the narrator was because I found her to be a little selfish and I thought her relationships with others felt a little immature.

A lot of the friendships in this book seemed to be quite manipulative. Our protagonist has a quite obsessive relationship with her best friend, Lucy, and seems to be possessive of her. When Lucy befriends the new girl, Ernessa, the narrator gets extremely concerned. Ernessa is later shown to have some strange habits, which, teamed with the strange goings on around her (including deaths and illnesses), our narrator single handedly decides that she must be a vampire. Ernessa seems to be very controlling, which creates her dark persona. I just didn't feel as though any of the friendships in this book were very healthy.

There are a lot of quite dark and disturbing issues mentioned in this book. Although there wasn't any particularly horrific graphic accounts of things, I did feel uncomfortable throughout the whole of the book. As I've said, I felt unsure of a lot of aspects in this book, but it did add to the dark undertone of the story. For the most part of this book, the narrator is battling with her thoughts about Ernessa being a vampire. It is an interesting idea - the reader is always questioning whether the protagonist is sensing real, strange habits, or whether it is a case of over thinking, a figment of her imagination.

The setting was gothic and it fitted well with the tone, but the world building could have been better - the setting felt victorian yet modern at the same time and firmer foundations could've been formed. I didn't really know what time period I was in, and I was constantly waiting for something big to happen. There were some deaths, but they didn't feel like shocking events. A lot of this book felt confusing, not because of what happens, but due to the thought processes behind the diary.

I thought that this was definitely interesting, especially the story behind it. Personally, it was a little too difficult for me to get into and a bit too ambiguous, but I would certainly recommend this to others who are interested in both mental health and in the paranormal. I think that Klein obviously has a lot of talent and it is shown in this book - I would love to see more from her.